Empty of What

I made no New Years Resolutions this year. They seemed to have little effect for me over the years. However I did spend some time thinking about what I things I would like to do better in the coming year. I started wondering why it is so hard for me to change certain behaviors. I know that changing habits is a matter of practice. Practice something enough and you will get better at it. But somethings don’t seem to respond well to practice. Why?

When I started to think about it, I realized that part of the problem might be a subtle misunderstanding of how practice works.

According to the Free Online Dictionary, one of the definitions of the word practice is:

“To do or perform (something) repeatedly in order to acquire or polish a skill”.

There are other definitions but this one shows the common understanding that practice is something that we set out to do to. We decide when we are practicing and when we are not. It is up to us. It seems obvious that when we can only practice the piano when we are actually playing it. The same could be said about most physical and mental activities, or in fact, for any skill we would like to acquire. Practice something and you will get better at it.

This seems simple enough. So why is it that some skills seem very difficult to acquire? Why is so hard for many of us to lead healthy lives. If living healthy is skill just like practicing the piano, then if we practice at it we should get better, right?

Over the years, I have have tried many workout routines and diets. I have studied and practiced Aikido for more than a decade. I have practiced meditation. I have tried many things. To be sure I have gotten better at many of them. They have been a great help. But I am still not where I would like to be in many areas of my life. For example, I have too much stress, I am 15lbs over my target weight, and my cholesterol is a little on the high side.

All of the years of dedicated practice should have added up to more then that, so why haven’t they?

There are lots of obvious answers. Many of them come to something like I stopped practicing, so the skill was lost. This is true enough but again it points to this idea that I have control over when I am practicing and when I am not. And therein lies part of the problem:

We are always practicing. The only question is whether we are practicing something beneficial or something detrimental.

We have no control over when the brain is laying down the grooves and shortcuts that make it easier for us to do that same behavior the next time. There is no “off” switch. The brain is constantly re-programming itself. I am practicing even when I don’t think I am practicing.

So when I decide to eat a chocolate chip cookie even though I don’t need the calories, I am doing more then just blowing the calorie count for the day. I am practicing eating chocolate chip cookies. I making it that much more likely that I will eat a chocolate chip cookie the next time I encounter one. I can not tell the brain to stop recording, while I chow down on this cookie, and the start again when I am ready to start eating better. The brain doesn’t work this way.

Again, it did not matter that I didn’t want to be practicing when I ate the cookie! I have no choice the brain just does its thing which in this case is laying down the groove, or the pattern, or neuronal connections that make it more likely that I will eat that damn cookie the next time.

So all the time I was practicing, Aikido, or practicing eating a healthy meal, I was also practicing eating chocolate chip cookies, and practicing sitting on my but in front of the computer, and practicing getting angry and stressed. No wonder I am not were I think I should be. I have been canceling out the good practice with the bad practice.

When I recognized that this how it works, I started rephrasing the questions that I would ask myself when faced with things like chocolate chip cookies.

Instead of “Should I eat this chocolate chip cookie?, It looks so good” I ask “Should I practice eating things that aren’t good for me?”

Instead of “Should I cut this workout short?, I am tired”, I ask, “Do I really want to practice quitting?”

Instead of “Should I buy this new shiny thing?, I ask, “Do I really want to practice buying stuff I don’t need?”

It also works with things like anger and stress. When I feel myself getting angry, I remind myself that I am practicing being angry. If I continue, it will be that much more difficult to avoid anger next time.

Rephrasing the questions in this way, gives them a weight, a gravitas, that makes it easier for me to come up with the better answer more often. That one chocolate chip cookie is not just about today. It is about my future!